How not to talk to the police.
"License , insurance, and registration please"
Sure, just a minute.... I'm sure its in here somewhere..... underneath all this junk.
"Did you know that one of your brake lights is not working?"
Well, I do now.
(digging through mountains of tools and paperwork)
Oh here it is.
"Can I search your car sir?"
I don't know, can you? I mean, don't they teach that back at the academy?
(did I just say that?)
(oh well, may as well run with it now.....)
"is there anything in the car I should know about, sharp or dangerous?"
Yes.
(awkward pause)
"what in the car is dangerous sir? Get out of the car and stand over here. Now."
Well, its not my car, but the things that I know of, hmm, well there is a battery operated skillsaw with a hair trigger, about 1000 sharp nails, a rusty saw (that might have tetanus) , and... well there is this tape measure that has a split edge, yeah, if you pull that out and let it back in wrong, you'll get a nasty cut.
"Anything else I should know about?"
Well, like I said, it's not my car, so I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a case of hand grenades under all that crap. (cringe)
"you think there could be explosives in the car?"
"lay down on the ground, face down. NOW."
(somewhat muffled) No, I didn't say that, I just said I wouldn't be surprised. Like I wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to be a space alien, here to probe my (nether regions). Its just been that kind of day.
(uh oh, I think I'm headed to rodney kingsville.... better start backpedaling, fast!)
Look, I've just got a bad taillight and a worse attitude. Sorry you had to be here for it. I just waited in Denny's for an hour and a half for a salad that never came... I finally gave up and was on my way home to get some rest.
"keep your hands where I can see them"
(ok, this officially sucks now.....)
Suffice to say it didn't get better, but it didn't get worse either.
I swear when he finally let me go (with a warning) that he had a subtle grin on his face. I'd like to think that in the end, it brightened up his night. I just hope he doesn't tell all his buddies at the station to see what they can get me to do.
Sure, just a minute.... I'm sure its in here somewhere..... underneath all this junk.
"Did you know that one of your brake lights is not working?"
Well, I do now.
(digging through mountains of tools and paperwork)
Oh here it is.
"Can I search your car sir?"
I don't know, can you? I mean, don't they teach that back at the academy?
(did I just say that?)
(oh well, may as well run with it now.....)
"is there anything in the car I should know about, sharp or dangerous?"
Yes.
(awkward pause)
"what in the car is dangerous sir? Get out of the car and stand over here. Now."
Well, its not my car, but the things that I know of, hmm, well there is a battery operated skillsaw with a hair trigger, about 1000 sharp nails, a rusty saw (that might have tetanus) , and... well there is this tape measure that has a split edge, yeah, if you pull that out and let it back in wrong, you'll get a nasty cut.
"Anything else I should know about?"
Well, like I said, it's not my car, so I don't know. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a case of hand grenades under all that crap. (cringe)
"you think there could be explosives in the car?"
"lay down on the ground, face down. NOW."
(somewhat muffled) No, I didn't say that, I just said I wouldn't be surprised. Like I wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to be a space alien, here to probe my (nether regions). Its just been that kind of day.
(uh oh, I think I'm headed to rodney kingsville.... better start backpedaling, fast!)
Look, I've just got a bad taillight and a worse attitude. Sorry you had to be here for it. I just waited in Denny's for an hour and a half for a salad that never came... I finally gave up and was on my way home to get some rest.
"keep your hands where I can see them"
(ok, this officially sucks now.....)
Suffice to say it didn't get better, but it didn't get worse either.
I swear when he finally let me go (with a warning) that he had a subtle grin on his face. I'd like to think that in the end, it brightened up his night. I just hope he doesn't tell all his buddies at the station to see what they can get me to do.
2 Comments:
The laugh you gave me was a great way to end an average day. All I can say is I wish I could have been there to see this. :)
LMAO....why does this story not surprise me...;o)
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